The Struggle Within
by WoodenRed
Summary: A one-shot featuring Neville and Ginny set in Neville's seventh year. Ginny goes to visit Neville in the Hospital Wing after he's been attacked by the Carrows. NOT a Ginny/Neville Romance!


**THE STRUGGLE WITHIN**

I have always hated that smell. For as long as I can remember that smell has made me want to dig a hole for myself in some far away land and stay there till it was gone. Outside the four walls enclosing me, the Carrows were asking their handpicked students to practice the Cruciatus Curse on second year students who were found outside their Common Rooms five minutes after curfew. Further outside Ministry officials, the people who were supposed to _protect_ us, were rounding up Muggle-borns and tearing apart their families. Yet to me this place, _this_ smell is worse than hell.

I have been here for the last two days and it looks like I'm going to be here a while longer even though I have no reason to be cooped up in here. I know that there was nothing wrong with me on the day that I was brought in that will take two days to remedy! Bloody hell, it had only taken her one night to re-grow _all _the bones in Harry's arm that time in second year! All I had were a few bruises and couple of broken bones.

I think she's trying to protect me. She's trying to keep me away from them. All of the old professors have become like that. The night I was released from the Hospital Wing following the _minor misunderstanding _I had with Carrows when I asked them how many Muggle-borns did their family have, Professor McGonagall had taken me to her office and practically begged me to stay out of their way. Madame Pomfrey was trying to keep me from standing up to the Carrows. That had to be it.

Well, what did she expect me to do? Just stand by and _let_ them take Luna away? It wasn't even a fair fight! They had sent five grown men to take her away. Ginny and I fought them of course. But Ginny was hit by a curse and they left me with the Carrows. I don't really remember what happened after Ginny was hit. The next thing I remember is waking up to find Hannah sitting by my bed in the Hospital Wing, looking worried sick. I think it's my body's way of protecting me from what had happened.

I wish all the bloody protecting would just stop.

That's how I ended up here. With nothing more to do than stare at the ridiculously white ceiling and not make myself sick by worrying about Luna's whereabouts. And of course most of my energy went into ignoring that _smell_.

I think my severe aversion for that smell stems from all my visits to the _Experimental Treatments_ ward at St. Mungo's when I was kid. It used to smell the same, a mixture of all kinds of Potions kept in the same place. The Healers at St. Mungo's had recommended it. Gran had entered Mum and Dad into the program; those were the years when she still had hope. My memories of that time are very vague. I remember a room with all kinds of potions and supplies stacked against one wall. Gran's hopes were raised by all the promises the Healers made, yet day after day nothing changed. I remember that she took me to see them every single day, hoping that _that _day would be different, that they would finally recognize us. They were moved back to the _Permanent Residents_ ward when I turned seven.

I haven't seen my parents since the beginning of summer. It's the longest I've ever gone without seeing them. They don't say much even when I'm there sometimes but I think they liked it when I visited. And it helped me get through.

Hannah left half an hour ago. Her visits were the only bright moments of days, though there was nothing surprising about that. I had picked the best and the worst time in the world to fall in love. It was the best time because times like these are when we need someone to trust and hold on to the most. It was the worst time to fall in love because now Hannah was one more person I couldn't imagine losing.

I heard the front door open. I knew she would come tonight. I told Hannah to tell her not to come. I knew she'd come anyway.

Her ginger hair made her look extremely out of place in the overly white Hospital Wing. The expression on her face suggested that she was in the right place.

"How are you feeling today?" she whispered.

"Gin, I told you, there's nothing wrong with me! Pomfrey is just keeping me here to make sure I stay out of trouble. I think McGonagall is making her do it. I'm just counting on Snape now to order me to leave." I said.

"Nothing wrong with you? Neville, I didn't know what 'beaten black and blue' really meant until I saw you! And I cannot afford to lose you too!" she shrieked.

"You're being dramatic."

"No, I'm not. So listen, I spoke to McGonagall. She said that even with all the new rules, they cannot put an underage witch in Azkaban, so Luna is definitely not in Azkaban. But I have no idea where else she could be." said Ginny dejectedly.

She sat on the chair beside my bed and rested her head on the armrest closing her eyes. I watched her for a minute, as she tried to relax.

I could hardly recognize her as the eleven year old girl who had cried because people were making fun of the poem she wrote to Harry on Valentine's Day. She's come a long way since then, we all had. I was no longer the boy who wrote down the months' passwords because he couldn't remember them either.

The DA was still operating because of her. Sure Luna and I had helped, but who would listen to Loony Lovegood and the cry-baby Longbottom in times like these anyway? But _she_ was a natural leader. It wasn't just because she was Harry Potter's girlfriend or Ron Weasley's younger sister, though that did help. It was just the way she was. And the DA rested on her shoulders.

It was her quick thinking that got us out of getting into serious trouble when we broke into Snape's office. Our plan was to break into Snape's office, ask Dumbledore where Harry was and then contact Harry using Snape's fireplace. It wasn't the most well thought of plan but we had to do _something._ It had been months since we had heard from Harry, Ron and Hermione, let alone seen them. We managed to break into the office but Dumbledore wasn't in his portrait when we got there. We were just leaving when they caught us. I don't know when Ginny had grabbed Gryffindor's sword, or why she did it but seeing her standing with the sword in her hand about to escape, that's what they thought we were there for. We would never have gotten out of there alive if they had known that we were contacting Harry.

I don't know how she dealt with it, not knowing where Harry was or what he was doing. I wonder what it is like to be in love with the Chosen One. I wonder what it is like to _be_ the Chosen One. Gran had told me over the summer how close I had come to becoming the Chosen One. Mum and Dad had told her about it when I was a baby. She never told anyone about it.

"Do you think we stand a chance, Ginny?"

She nearly jumped out of her chair in fright. We have all become like that, forever cautious and easily startled.

"Do you think we stand a chance, Ginny?" I asked again.

"What do you mean? Of course we do! We are going to win this war, that's the _only_ way the world works. How can this madness win?" she said.

"I meant, do you think _we_ stand a chance? It's a little naïve to think that all of us are going to come out of this alive. I mean look at Harry and my parent's generation. Half of them are dead! And what kind of life would it be to be part of the half that survives?" I asked.

This time she didn't have a ready response. She answered after a long pause.

"I don't know. But does it really matter? Is it going to make you any more or less determined to fight? If I die in this war, it would be because I fought for something. I don't mind going like that." she said with a defiant look on her face characteristic to all the Weasleys.

"And what if it's Harry? Or Ron? Or Hermione?"

I never heard her answer. Because just that second, we both felt the same burning on the side of our legs. We jumped out of our positions simultaneously, desperate to reach the source of the burning. Ginny was faster.

"Oh thank Merlin!" she said, falling back on the chair in relief.

I took my galleon in my hand and looked at the letters that had appeared.

IM-OK-GO-DA-LL

I fell back into my bed too, the weight lifted from my heart for just a minute.

We had all made it through _one_ more day.

For now, that will have to be enough.

XXXXX

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